How to win a wooden spoon

No Holes Barred Nov 2011. Maelstrom Games. Organised by Will Goodwin.



I have been gaming with my old 6th/7th edition wood elves for the last 6 months while my WoC have been awaiting some more paint. Not had much luck with them but realy wanted to get some more games in and about the only time I get to play is at a tournie.

My list in brief was the following;

Lv4 Beast weaver, BsB, Lv1 spell singer, 3 units of archers, 2 units of dryads, 2 eagles, a unit of treekin and a unit of waywatchers. (2000pts)


I got to the event early Friday evening and spent the next few hours chatting with other players and having some beers till Dizzle (Ben Harris) arrived with his mates. Alex I had not met before but seemed like a nice guy. Ian I had played at the Easter doubles at WHWorld (he had used a double WoC nurgle force with his mate). Ian never shuts up but is a nice guy.

Sat am arrived at the venue. Will had made the event very pro with player packs, printed name badges, magic ref cards for all the race specific lores and printed mission cards.

As was already posted on the WHforum I had drawn Mark Wildman (genuinely a very nice chap and fun to play against) for game 1 capture the hill.

Mark had a big bus of knights, massive unit of halb’s, 2 cannon, mortar, fire mage, bsb and an alter boy, sorry I mean an arch lector on war alter.

T1-2 a cannon kills an eagle, mortars and fire balls smash my archer units. Dryads try to slow down the knights.
T3-4 Flame sword steam tank (oh yeah he had one of those) rips up the treekin. He had destroyed my amber spear spell earlier.
T5-6 manage to get some war machines with the way watchers but it is too little too late as they have done their job and all my units are now so small that his slightly smaller unit of halb’s on the hill have won the day.
20-0 loss.

Game 2 battle line. I was against Ian Sturges (Dizzle’s mate) and his high elves. Really nice guy to play against and would happily play again.

He had lv4, bsb mounted, 2 x 10 archers, 5 dragon princes, 5 reavers, eagle, 20 spears, 20 sword masters and 15 axe blokes.

T1-2 concentrated fire on archer unit with lv 4. killed him and got my assassination mission. Eagle off 1 on 1 goes in my favour. Dragon princes with bsb get tangled up with some dryads.
T3-4 massive battle in centre with dryads, treekin, sword masters and spears. Everyone dies but the swordmasters who can now claim his mission by getting in my deployment zone.
T5-6 was a case of small fights and mopping up. Very close game that had him 160pts up.
11-9 loss

Game 3 battle line. Dave Sweeting with orcs and goblins. Very nice looking OnGob army.

He had a bsb on foot, mounted boss, 3 shamen. Ooooooge unit of night gobos with bows and poison banner, big unit of savage biguns, 3 charriots, 2 doom divers, rock lobba, some wolves.

T1-2 he marched straight at me. My shooting was whittling his stuff down. 1 doom diver killed 4 way watchers so the last one went to cry behind a building. My archers were getting whacked by his warmachines pretty hard.
T3-4 treekin smash up chariots. Dryads get stuck into the night gobos but get pin cushioned on the way in ( he got lucky here by claiming that they could volley fire as a charge reaction, I questioned it but the guys on the next table backed him up. They were all wrong and he had about 40 extra shots)
T5-6 All my combat units are dead and he has all his points safe in the 2 big blocks.
20-0 loss.

Day 2 to follow.


Game 4 Bwud and Gorwey. Ed Morris with Beastmen.

Ed is an older gamer like me and one of the nicest blokes you could meet. We had spent ages chatting and drinking the night before and we had both gone through our armies explaining what was what.

He had a beast lord, 2 shaman, bsb, 2 gore chariots, 2 razor chariots, 2 ungor skirmish units, 2 harpy units and the worlds biggest gore unit to put all his characters in. I knew that the only way to win was to take out his unit that had all his break points in. I had 6 break points so knew that I could box cleaver and make sure that he did not break me. So it was all going to be points based in the end.

I chose Kill his specials and rares as my mission, hmm 4 chariots to take out and make sure that my waywatchers did not die.

T1-2 got rid of harpies and put some wounds on the chariots. He was buffing his main gore unit and advancing to my lines (he had the get 300 pts in enemy deployment zone mission as I found out later).

T3-4 dryads set about the weakened chariots and kill one of each. All the rest of his chaff are finished off and start to reduce the numbers of his gore block.

T5-6 got his last 2 chariots thanks to the help of some dangerous terrain tests. The way watchers head for safety to make sure that I get my mission. Treekin block the path of his gore block so they cannot get any of my banners. Double 6 purple sun kills 5 of the 6 treekin in 1 shot (sad face) and we both cannot believe the dice.
At the end of the game we both have had a good laugh and when we tally up the points he has won but it was a great game.
17-3 loss.

Game 5 battle line. Sandy Wilson with Ogre Kingdoms.

He had 2 butchers, bsb flame banner, 2 mega cannons of doom, 2 blocks of lead belchers, a block of iron guts, 3 x 10 nobbers (2 had trappers) and 3 single snaggle tooths. Hurray an ogre gun line.

T1-2 I take one of his lead belcher blocks down to a single model which he hides. take out a big pussy cat with some dryads and whittle away at his iron guts. His canons are causing me some damage but not too much. He has them in the corners getting a cross fire at my army so keeping them from killing too much is tricky.

T3-4 his iron gut unit gets some arrows heading their way and he has to hide his single remaining iron gut. His canons and flaming unit of lead belchers are ripping through my army. An eagle scares a cat and runs it down. I find out that the nobbers have trappers with some dryads who in turn get canon charged and eventually die.

T5-6 the waywatchers bail out the other unit of dryads who have got flanked by some more nobbers and eventually kill them all. The lead belchers finish off my treekin and his canons smash some more of my units.
After the brave blood crazed ogres had then hidden behind hills and buildings to protect points, his magic item had miscast my gen to death (turn 3 or 4) and his shooting was ripping my army apart it looked like he had it in the bag. At the end of the game we tally up the points and his mission gives him enough to get a 17-3 (I think) loss. 


Game 6 battle line. Alex Jarosz (Dizzle’s other mate) with Empire.

Alex is a really nice bloke. A bit quiet but starts to get chattier as he gets to know you. As we had met on the Friday we had a great game with lots of laughs at stupid dice rolls.

He had a lector on wagon, bsb, a couple of wizards, an engineer, 3 mortars, a hellstrom, 2 x 10 gunners, 2 info blocks each with a 5 man free comp det. I think that was it. Oops sorry, add a steam tank. Nice.

T1-2 waywatchers kill the engineer and charge the rocket. I get rid of a unit of gunners. Eagle heads for a mortar but gets a big pie plate on its head. The other mortars splat a few of an archer unit and take another down to 1 model.

T3-4 waywatchers get into a mortar, dryads start scrapping with an inf block, stubborn in a wood but he is outside the wood so is also stubborn. The other mortars are taking there toll on my units.

T5-6 the waywatchers kill a running unit of gunnars and get into another mortar. An eagle gets stuck on a free comp det. Steam tank is fighting treekin but is not buffed up with flaming sword so this ends up a stalemate.

At the end of the game it’s a draw. 10-10

I had a great weekend gaming and would go to an event run by Will again. I like Maelstrom for tourneys and am looking forward to next year.

That’s 6 months now for the woodies so I think it’s time to get the WoC back out.

That’s all folks…………


oh yeah, I came dead last and got the wooden spoon trophy, which was nice.